Battle Fight! Round 5: Gatack's Greatest Enemy

He faced insurmountable odds, seemingly-endless legions of unstoppable shape-shifting enemies, his own personal demons, and even Tak "that guy from Versus" Sakaguchi. But enough about Kamen Rider Sasword. Tonight, we're here to talk about his number #1 buddy, Kamen Rider Gatack (also number #1 buddy/enemy/human shield of Kamen Rider Kabuto) and his greatest story never told... until now.

THE CONTENDERS:

Kamen Rider "God of War" Gatack

Hedges

THE FIGHT:

RIDER CUTTING!

THE WINNER:

YOU.

***

Battle Fight! Round 4: Tiger vs. Imperer

They were the last two Riders to appear in Kamen Rider Ryuki (unless you're going by the movie timeline, although that actually came out first... argh!) and coming in after Ouja (STRONGEST RIDER EVAR!!1!) and Odin (NO IM EVEN STRONGEREREST!!1!) I think they were two of the most interesting. Well okay, Tiger was. Imperer was alright, but he really didn't have much time to develop, did he? But he made a grand entrance, and an even grander exit (in a not-so-grand underplayed sort of way.)

One was an psychotic young man who hung around with some guys called the "Alternatives" and who, in a past life, had been an Ultraman! ...but only on a direct-to-video series notable for being the second attempt to bring the concept to life after the failed first effort in 1995. And the other was a doe-eyed parking attendant by day who dreamed of a better life, and some would say got it when he went on to appear in Water Boys. Oh, and if for some reason you haven't seen the show and don't know what I'm talking about, Spoiler Warning!

THE CONTENDERS:

Kamen Rider "Thousand-men one-man Army" Imperer

Kamen Rider "Stabby McStabberson" Tiger

THE FI-URK!

THE WINNER:

...well, not fair play, that's for sure.

***

Battle Fight! Round 3: Oronamin C Battle

Everybody knows that Oronamin C, a popular long-running vitamin/energy drink in Japan, is the true source of a Riders' power. No really, they actually said that once. It's pretty much become a regular part of the whole deal, usually making an appearance in the annual movie somewhere, and of course being advertised prominently during the show by the main Rider himself.

But just how do the ads stack up to each other? And why should we care? The answer to the first one waits below. The answer to the second... is that it's just how I here roll, baby.

THE CONTENDERS:

"Fightin' Mad" Hibiki

Tendô "Mad as Hell" Sôji

Nogami "Don't hit Me!" Ryôtarô

THE FIGHT:

ROUND 1: The Tagline

Hibiki: "You are strong."

Tendô: "For the sake of becoming stronger."

Ryôtarô: "Towards your next self."

Advantage: All pretty inspirational, but Hibiki tells it like it is.

ROUND 2: The Visuals

Hibiki: He's chucking a bottle right at us with his trademark grin, and there are lense flares galore.

Tendô: Half of the main man in a Henshin pose, Kabuto standing there looking cool and the bottle just sort of floats in the middle.

Ryôtarô: Ryô-chan's face, Sword Form, and another floating bottle.

Advantage: Can't beat a Henshin, even if it's half of one. Tendô bags this one.

ROUND 3: The CMS

Check out the ads themselves.

Hibiki

Tendô

Ryôtarô

Hibiki: Jumpy editing, frequently out of focus, but once he pops the cap and chugs it down, our hero flips out and does his drumstick-whirling magic. And he's got his signature hand twirl in there too!

Tendô: Bringing to mind Tendô's training session from the first episode, our hero takes a break and refreshes himself with a drink. While the image of a sweaty Hiro Mizushima probably sends his fangirls over the edge, I just can't believe that he's still got his scarf on the whole time. I mean, I know, Rider tradition and all that, but...

Ryôtarô: Although the idea of our hero (with his usual quirkiness) telling a kid to keep his chin up and believe in himself and all that is nice... why isn't Ryôtarô drinking Oronamin C? I suppose he knows the secret is that it's just got a ton of sugar in it, but it's a bit of a jar after the last two. The Sword Form visuals are pretty nifty though.

Advantage: It's a tough call, but... wait, what's this?

Yaguruma is so badass that he drinks Oronamin C while still transformed?

THE WINNER:

TEAMWORK

***

Battle Fight! Round 2: Everyone vs. Everyone Else

For this installment of the closer examinations into the many Rider battles, we turn to the show that was all about fighting, fighting, and more fighting- Kamen Rider Ryuki. This battle comes in episode #40, and is one of my favorite in the series.

Since this comes at a fairly critical point in the series, it's hard to accurately map out everything going on without recapping a bunch of the previous episodes, but here's the long and short of it: with the original Alternative out of the picture, Kagawa Hideyuki, aka Alternative Zero, is continuing his war on Kanzaki Shirô's reckless battle between the Riders. You heard right- a war declared on another war. I told you this show was about fighting! To that end, he's got Tôjô Satoru/Kamen Rider Tiger on his side, and they've been trying to kill Kanzaki's sister Yui, for some deeper purpose yet to be revealed. Naturally, this does not sit well with big brother, nor with our main men, Kidô Shinji/Kamen Rider Ryuki and Akiyama Ren/Kamen Rider Knight.

On top of all this, Asakura Takeshi/Kamen Rider Ouja got his butt handed to him a few episodes back thanks to a sneak attack by Tiger, and is currently incarcerated, much to the delight of his archnemesis Kitaoka Shuichi/Kamen Rider Zolda, who also played a role in Asakura's arrest. Previously, Ryuki got beaten senseless by Tiger, and is currently in the hospital. (He'll be out soon enough, following a little pep talk by Yui.) Knight has been duking it out with Alternative Zero, and Kanzaki has been butting into the action as usual to keep Yui from becoming a splat somewhere in the Mirror World because, you know, it's really all about her. Meanwhile, yet another Rider is about to emerge from the shadows.

Got all that? Good, because here's where our fight begins. Kagawa and Kanzaki just had a little chat prior to this, until Kagawa transforms to go join Knight & Tiger, who have just recently run into each other as well as the double K's, and are now engaged in battle because, hey, that's how this show works. Note here that Kanzaki has threatened Kagawa that unless he knocks off this "Close the Mirror World" baloney, Kagawa's wife and son are as good as dead. This will be important later on.

Alternative Zero enters the Mirror World and joins Tiger against Knight. Watch as Tiger gloats about his mentor being a "great hero" in the creepy way that he does.

As this is all going on, Asakura staged a little jailbreak, much to Kitaoka's frustration. Kanzaki shows up to give him his card deck (previously confiscated) and, following this gem of a reaction...

...he runs towards the camera with one of those classic Asakura "Raaaaaaarghs!" and transforms.

Back in the Mirror World, Knight evens the odds with a Trick Vent, which means it's now a small army of Knights vs. Alternative Zero & Tiger.

Alternative Zero quickly disposes of the Knights with an Accel Vent, a high-speed attack that I like to think is sort of a forerunner to Faiz & Kabuto's high-speed antics. When he and Tiger realize there's now no Knights left at all (as while the duplicates are easily destroyed, the real one is usually noticeably still there) they get a nasty surprise- they get blown away by DarkRaider!

Knight Survive jumps down from the sky and stands atop his bat Monster ally, who transforms into bike mode for the Final Vent. Not to be outdone, Alternative Zero slashes his own Final Vent card, summoning his monster PsychoRogue who transforms into PsychoRoader, Denjin Zaboga-style.

The two bikes collide (with Psychoroader & Zero spinning around rapidly, which is far funnier than it should be) and the combatants are sent flying back. Tiger casually strolls out to view the aftermath, and spots Ouja, who cuts short his usual theatrics and remembers Tiger as the guy who got the drop on him before. Itchin' for revenge, Ouja summons his big horn sword thingy, to be matched against Tiger's oversized claws of doom. There's a great little exchange between them here:

Tiger: You're fighting only for the fight.

Ouja: Do you really need any other reason?

Tiger: As I thought...You really are the worst Rider!

So as you'd expect, they start fighting. About this point, a whole pack of Gazelle-type Monsters (Gigazelle, Megazelle, Omegazelle, etc.) drop in to join the battle. Well later find out they're here courtesy of Kamen Rider Imperer, but before that, Zolda also arrives, keen on taking out Ouja and anyone else in the way. Although he initially doesn't recognize Alternative Zero ("Is that a Rider?") he decides to blast him all the same. Before he can hit everyone with his Final Vent (which, as you may recall, pretty much just blows everything up) he gets attacked by a Monster and joins the greater fight, which is quickly turning into a free-for-all.

But before long, Ryuki Survive shows up. Yes, Kidô got out of the hospital, and with a little help from DragRanzer, destroys/runs over the gazelle horde and stops the action cold. Now comes what is possibly the one of the coolest moments in the whole series.

Ryuki tells Alternative Zero that his family is safe. We get a quick cutaway scene showing one of Kazanki's Monster goons about to eat Mrs. Kagawa & son, but DragRedder flies out of a nearby reflection and smacks him down. So basically, Ryuki just saved the life of the family of a man who pretty much wouldn't be above killing him. As Zero contemplates this, Tiger scoffs that his mentor really doesn't care about that, to which Ryuki replies "I wanted to save them, so I saved them."

Let's go over that again. Ryuki, in spite of possessing a Survive Form, is arguably on the weaker end of the Rider scale in the series. He's a decent fighter, and he's made it this far and all, but compared to most of the others, he's really the odd man out. So he just drove up and halted a battle that involved his best friend who often wants to kill him; another guy who will shoot him just as soon as fight alongside him; two psychopaths, both of whom would gladly just kill him right there; another guy who would kill him if it were for the greater good, and a pack of dimension-jumping monsters that eat people. All of the above are probably better physical fighters than him, and one or two is nearly equal in power when it comes to the fancy card stuff. And what does he do, when they all roll their eyes at his insistence on saving even his enemys' loved ones? He basically asks if anyone there has the balls to tell him that wasn't the right thing to do. With one exception (see below) this shuts everyone up.

By this point, time's running out in the Mirror World, so pretty soon everybody leaves more or less unscathed. But before that, Ouja, as laconic as ever, wants to keep on fighting, and attacks Ryuki. And what does Ryuki do?

He effortlessly blocks it. Eat it, Ouja.

Moral of the story? Sometimes, you don't need to actually be the one throwing the punch to totally own someone else.

Battle Fight! Round 1: Skyrider vs. General Monster

If there's one overriding theme to every Kamen Rider series, it would be that, quite simply, there is nothing a kick in the face can't solve. And with so many of those being dealt out over the years, it's hard to pick favorites. But if I had to choose the really memorable battles off the top of my head, one that springs to mind instantly is the very first throw-down between Skyrider and his original heavy-duty villain, General Monster, in New Kamen Rider episode #4. Why? Because it just serves as further affirmation of my belief that Skyrider is a total butt-kicking badass.

A little context is needed for this one: In a mold-breaking change of pace, the final battle of the episode does not come down between Skyrider (still being called just "Kamen Rider", but let's not get into that now) and the Kaijin of the week. Rather, this episode's monster, Sasoranjin, just got shot full of arrows by Neoshocker because he, who's actually a she, and...well, it's complicated, let's just say that the woman who got turned into Sasoranjin had a kid sister, and upon finding her again blah blah blah regain memories of former self blah blah betray evil guys and all that jazz. Anyway, point is, Skyrider arrives on the scene too late to save the turncoat Kaijin.

He pulls out the arrows as she reverts to human form, gives some parting words ("Take care of my sister") and the does the Neoshocker dissolve thingy all those early New Kamen Rider Kaijin do.

Needless to say, our hero is now pretty ticked off.

SNAP!* Yeah, bet you saw that coming. To make matters worse, who should start laughing it up than...

General Monster! Skyrider and him talk trash for a while, before he goes through the motions and sics the requisite legion of henchmen, whom Skyrider pretty much decimates, because by this point he's mad as hell and he ain't taking it anymore! Watch as Skyrider kicks several guys in quick succession, and we see it all from his point of view! Keep in mind now, this is the first meeting between Skyrider and the General (who's been lurking in the shadows for the past 3 episodes, seen only by us and everybody else who isn't Skyrider) and generally, these first meetings never end well for the heroes (see Rider 2's first encounter with Colonel Zol, you'll understand what I mean.)

Before he can deliver the killing blow on the big man, Monster teleports away to mock Skyrider some more from the safety of the local Neoshocker base. Or so he believes.

Our hero summons his trusty Sky Turbo...

...and you know what comes next.

RIDER BREAK!

Now, General Monster is pretty shocked at this turn of events, but his world's about to get even more painful. Because what does our fightin' mad hero do?

He nearly runs him over! This is followed by a serious Rider beat-down.

Watch as Skyrider hits Monster so hard, things just randomly start exploding. This being a 70's Rider series, it all culminates with everything blowing up.

While General Monster does live to fight another day (the final showdown between him and Skyrider comes in #17) let's look at what just happened:

Neoshocker killed one of their own monsters when the latter turned against them. Skyrider arrived too late to save him/her, and, stricken with grief, he just flipped the @#$% out and hammered a ton of guys into the ground, then drove right into the enemy base just to track down and beat up a character who, going by standard Rider Logic™, should have been home free after teleporting away. And then everything blew up.

So I guess we can declare the winner to be, without a doubt, Skyrider.