Ask the Experts: The Advent of Saga

The debut of a new Rider is always the source for some discussion. Especially when said Rider has had a great deal of build-up to their premiere. Did they live up to the hype? Will they go down as one of the all-time greats, a truly groundbreaking character that redefines what it means to be a Kamen Rider? Will they be worthy of achieving the same kind of respect and admiration as a Rider 1, a V3, a BLACK, and Agito? (In other words, will they ever make it into a really great Playstation 2 game?) Will they, in short, be THE Rider of the series, even if they're not the lead?

Pfffft, what do I care? I'll probably just say Rider 2's cooler anyway. Which is why, in the interest of fairness, I once again asked some of the stars themselves to weigh in on the latest Rider of all... Kamen Rider Saga!

I won't speak of the Kamen Rider 2009 rumors until I get something more concrete.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed below do not necessarily conform to the opinions of Igadevil. Numerous series Spoilers also run rampant, so reader beware.

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Asakura Takeshi
Ex-Convict, Was all the rage in 2002

Wow, so like, this Saga guy, right? A vaguely snake-themed Rider with some purple on 'im who is the butt-kickingest baddest-assest mutha alive? Yeah, haven't seen that before. Also, I liked his belt better when it was called Ridol and didn't talk like Cyber Chip 'n Dale. Also: I'm getting nervous!!1!

Seriously, what is this #$%&? Man, remember the good old days?

Like back in 2002, when Ryuki was new. When the newest Rider of all was... me. That's right!

Like an unexpected punch to the face, I came outta nowhere right as everyone was finished wiping the spat drinks off their screens when it was revealed that Raia was 1) a dude and 2) Ultraman Agul. Oh and the rhino guy was introduced, but who liked him? I punked that loser fair and square... well okay, Kitaoka sort of helped out with that huge attack that like blows up the whole world that he has. Okay fine, so that wasn't really my doing at all, I just came in and stole the kill, like a l33t n00b in [INSERT FIRST PERSON SHOOTER OF CHOICE HERE]. Or somethin'. But come on, how awesome was that? After all that angsting on the part of Ren how he couldn't kill a dude, even if he was a horrible jerk who treats killing people like part of some big video game... in I come, and wipe the floor with that dork like it was going out of style. Oh yeah, baaaaaaay-be.

Okay, how about Imperer/Impaler/Impala/Inpalamadingdongwhatever? I showed that beeyotch who's the man, didn't I? Well okay, I guess Tiger stabbing him through the guts sort of sealed the deal anyway... okay so that doesn't really count either. Still, there's another one I totally owned beforehand. Remember when he like, had that piece of paper or something, and there was stuff? I dunno, the end of the series is kinda a blur to me. Like, remember how I burned to death in that exploding car, but was fine like 10 minutes later? Yeah.

Oh, I know! Raia. Took that pink bastard down like nobody's business, right? Well okay, I guess he was kind of handicapped since his... well, hand was busted up by that monster and all. Also, he sort of was doing a sacrifice since I was intending to kill Kido, so it really wasn't a planned kill per se. I mean, sure, I wanted to kill him, but not then and there, so it kinda doesn't count either, does it? I mean, it's like if Kazami accidentally killed the Destron Leader when he was talking, he wouldn't really be getting proper revenge, would he? Alright, alright...

Aha... Goro when he was Zolda in the last episode! Took down his— well, okay. I guess he did sort of have a death wish and all at that point, plus he essentially won since I thought I was killing Kitaoka, but it turned out to be his metro bodyguard/butler. So I got screwed, and then I went and got shot the hell up... don't worry, I got better. Still though... okay so we won't count that one either. Man, running low on options here...

Ooooooh, I got it. Scissors in the TV Special. I took him down fair and— what? It's not in continuity? That shouldn't matter! Verde's in that, you're telling me he's not in continuity either?

What? I don't know what happened to him in the series. Sure as hell wasn't the first to go though, seeing as how he like, had a billion dollars and was a friggin' tactical genius. He only died cuz Ren had like, pre-death final attack™ like that boss in Final Fantasy VI who casts Ultima before he dies. You know, the tower dude. So Verde was probably, I dunno, on an island in Tahiti the whole time and kept his monster fed on a steady diet of Strawberry Daiquiris and oyster crackers.

Okay fine... so I didn't really kill any Riders in a fair fight, you happy? Jeez. Killed enough Monsters though, didn't I? I sure did.

Oh wait, I got it. I killed my own brother and Femme's older sister in the movie. There!

...helpless innocents you say? Come on man, can't you give a guy a break? I mean, if they really wanted to, they coulda like, whacked me with their shoes to death or something. Right?

Whatever. Those were still the days, man. Back when I used to be somebody. I used to be the STRONGEST RIDER EVER *and* the most badass. I was the Hannibal Lecter of Riders. The Joker of Riders. The whatever-that-crazy-guy-from-"Battle Royale"-that-I-kinda-riffed-on-was-called of Riders. Then Kaixa comes along, and I'm yesterday's news, kiddo.

Well, until Dragon Knight starts, then I'll be—

What? I'm being replaced by some other guy? And now I'm called Strike?

Times like this, I wish I hadn't killed my agent...

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NEXTy Kazami Shirô
Ex-IT company president/Wine aficionado

Not now. Can't you see I'm decanting wine? Please do no interrupt me during this sacred moment.

And this is no ordinery wine either. Château Pétrus from 1964. That's like, seriously old wine right there. Back in 64, before you were born. I had a slightly older bottle I was decanting but then Hongô showed up asking about my sister. Joke's on him: I don't have a sister!

Well okay, I do. I wish I didn't though.

Seriously, I was all like "Hey, let's make this one a love story too, except it'll be good because it'll be a love story between me and a hot new NEXTy Junko. And the surprise twist... it ends happily!" Everybody wins, right?

But they were like "Nah, this one's going to be a horror film. We haven't quite figured out where the horror will come from though. It has to be something scary. You know, like a monster that kills people. Maybe slices them up, stabs them, that sort of thing. We've got a PG-12 rating so we can have a lot of blood and really gory deaths, but we've got no monsters. I mean really, can you think of any good monsters we could use that would stab/cut people up? Perhaps they have bladed hands, or maybe even a chainsaw. But who could we possibly use? If only we could think of someone."

And they went on: "Also, as for motivation... we haven't figured that out, either. Maybe they kill people as part of some greater evil plan... but whose plan? Who could possibly be behind a series of gruesome killings, who would benefit? We don't have anyone in the movie would be capable of something so terrible. Why, you'd need characters so evil and sadistic, they'd want nothing short of world domination to carry out killings like that."

And finally, they decided: "Hey, I know. The killer is your sister, Kazami. And she's trying to get revenge on the label people, because she's a pop start now, right? Except she died but came back as a mutant due to these nano-thingies. The same ones that turn you into V3, except you don't get the ability to come back to life and create a killer ghost double of yourself, you just kick stuff and it explodes. Oh also, there's a bunch of other killings in the script, we'll make her do those too. Yes I know, those people actually had nothing to do with her getting killed. But really, who else could do them? If only there were some other villains in the movie... So she kills them because they're listening to the one song she recorded before she died. Well, killed herself, but she blames it on everybody else. We're gonna sell the song on CD too, it'll be a big hit! Oh also, she's all ugly and stuff, so we're spending most of the budget on that. So sorry about the non-functional V3 Hopper."

So in short: Miyauchi? Was one lucky bastard.

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Shadow Moon
Century King/Former SONY spokesman

Wow, so this Saga guy, right? The main hero's childhood best friend who grows up to tragically be his ultimate enemy, and he's treated as near-royalty by his followers and destined to lead them to a new empire on Earth. Yeah, haven't seen that one before.

Just wait. He probably gets to kill Birugenia too.

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Shindô
TriStar Productions President

Chiharu must live on. Even if she's dead. She must live. Dead or not, she must go on living. Because while she lives, she brings in the money. While she's dead, she doesn't. So it's simple as that. She must live. If she lives, the money comes in. If she doesn't, it doesn't. So therefore, Chiharu must live. If she doesn't live, we can't sell any more CDs with her face on them, because who wants to listen to a dead person? Dead people never stay famous, everyone knows that. So Chiharu must live. While she lives, our sales live as well. They die when she dies. They live while she lives. So if she dies, they can't live anymore because they die on account of the fact that she no longer lives. In other words, our sales live only while Chiharu lives, so as long as she isn't dead they live, because when she dies they die to and as a result of her non-living, our sales die, so she must live if we are to— OH GOD NO MY ARM! ARGH! GET THEM OUT OF HERE! SECURITY! SECURITY! HELP! OH GOD NO THEY'RE EVERYWHERE OH MOTHER OF ALL THAT'S HOLY THEY GOT MY ARM! NO! MY SPLEEN! THEY ARRRRRRRRRGHHHH! EVERYWHERE! HELP! HELP ME, THERE ARE MUPPETS IN MY COCKPITAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGgjhadlkj dp03 0idsdskd skadad333333333333fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

Note from Igadevil: Sadly, before he could finish giving his opinion on Kamen Rider Saga, Shindô-san was devoured by rabid Katô Kazuki fangirls upset over how his screen time detracted from his costar's.

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Evil Shizuka
Will eat your soul!

OMG! XD

So like, WataruxMio = Worst Pairing Evar!!! Seriously, who writes that trash? WTF Everybody knows that WataruxNago = OTP! 4eva LOL :D

Wait wait wait. You thought I liked Wataru, didn't you? Maybe you did, but you were WRONG! Like, >:C wrong! Ringo-dingo-wrongo. NEway...

A lot of people are wondering what happened to me between the beginning of the series and when I was on that crazy evil binge a while ago. Well, I'll tell you. Wataru was so busy running around with all those other characters that I got neglected, left out in the cold, abandoned! It suxxed. Srlsy.

BUT, while wandering around trying to figure out what to do with myself, I met these guys. They'd been through the same sort of thing, but they came back, stronger and better than ever.

N u know how they did it? They became Riders! So obviously, I need to do the same thing. Yay! :D

Unfortunately, girl Riders are in relatively short supply these days. There's like... -1. So I'll just have to make one up. I call her...

Kamen Rider She!

Because, you know = She = Shi = Shizuka! Squeeeee! It's bwiiiiiiiilliant.

I don't know what sort of powers she'll have, but I'll figure those out in due time. First things first though, I have some WataruxNago crack fic to write...

L8R!

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Mysterious New Rider
Full-Time Enigmatic Shadowy Figure

What do I think of m— er, Kamen Rider Saga, Hm?

Well, I'll tell you. Three words come to mind. Perfection. Awesome. And Perfection. Sums it all up, really.

I mean, has there ever been a cooler Rider in the history of forever? Didn't think so. That's how great I— I mean, he is! Yeah!

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Choko
Rider Girl

OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM OM.



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Kagami Riku
Head of ZECT

Ah yes. Vivaldi. Are you familiar with his works? No? Then perhaps Voltaire, or even Voltron. Very vivacious vowls, all of them. Not villains, but viciously victorious vain Vespa-vowing van-viewing vagabonds, they were.

They remind me of my son. And the rats. Both, but not at the same time. For you see, while my son, like his rat brothers, struggles to survive in a world gone mad, he had the child of Kusakawhateverhisface to help him. That guy. Without him, my son would surely have fallen, like so many rats before him. He would have fallen, but he didn't. When he tripped, when he stumbled, that old guy (you know the one, with the thing) was there to catch him. Like a rat catches cheese as it flees in the breeze, oh jeez.

Ah yes, my son. Gatack's chosen one. The God of War. The STRONGEST RIDER EVER, or so I was told. Arata, how proud of you I am. You and all those like you, rat or otherwise. Yes Araki, it is because of your bravery and dedication that the rats are free to come and go as they please. To steal and eat their cheese. To enjoy a cool summer breeze. To eat their porridge and peas. To list off all the words they know beginning with V's. To throw themselves from the cliff with ease. Just to stop the killing. For the rats, like men, have the best laid plans. They sure as hell beat out the mices'.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACH!

Yes Akira, without your bravery and highly-tuned fighting skills, were would we be today? It is by your hand and the greatest in the world powerful shooting skill of victory that peace had returned to the kingdom. And dance the night away we shall. Eggnog indeed.

Speaking of Arashi reminds me of something. It involves time, and the travelling thereof. Now, we all know that Hyper Kabuto went back in time to save himself numerous times, right? And we also know that in the movie, Hyper Kabuto went back to give himself the Henshin Belt, thus fulfilling his own existence even if he then disappeared at the end. Which raises the point that if he never existed in the first place, how could he have gone back to give the belt to himself? The answer lies in the times when he saved himself: clearly, it wasn't him. By this I mean the him from the same timeline. Rather, he had to have travelled back from a future in which he hadn't been able to save himself because otherwise, why would he have gone back? So what happened, my friends, is this:

The Hyper Kabuto from the present went ahead to meet his future self. Except he found a world without his future self. A world without Hyper Kabuto. A world without rats. A world without rules, rights, rhymes, rainbows, raspberries, rafts, rhinos, rings, running, roads and rotaries. So that Hyper Kabuto went back to the present for us, but the past for him, to a point prior to when he left in the first place. He assisted the past self that used to be him, but was no longer him since he had become the future Hyper Kabuto due to the fact that he was travelling back to help a past version of himself. But he couldn't be the same anymore, because there was no future version for him, so therefore he couldn't be the Hyper Kabuto from the future, because there never was a past! So he couldn't have gone back to save his own ass, even though it never was him! As a result, a paradox was created, in which the Hyper Kabuto from Timeline A saved that of Timelines B, 4 and Red. Meanwhile, the Timeline X Hyper Kabuto teamed up with the Timeline Green Hyper Kabuto to resucue the rats from Undoogmor, Dread-Pirate Lord of the 7th World. A cruel tyrant who sought to erase ratkind from the world with an army of Demon Chairs, he was stopped by the combined might of 750. 750 of what, nobody knows, for the tome all this is recorded in was lost to the fires of time. And we forgot all of this in the first place because it was wiped from history. As far as your or I know, this is an event which never took place even though we remember it, despite it having never happened in the first place.

The moral of the story: It was by your quick-thinking Ayako that the world was saved, Godspeed, my son. Godspeed to the greater tomorrow that lies beyond the rat-infested today. And a Merry Christmas to all!

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Shin Kamen Rider
The True Masked Rider

Hey everybody!

So my movie's out on DVD at last, my fan base is now in the double digits, and I'm now looked upon with tolerance and respect, unlike Chiharu!

It's a good time to be alive!

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Yaguruma Sô
MY LIFE IS AWESOME :D

Ha! You didn't seriously think we'd get through one of these without comments from me, did you? I am, after all, the de facto Guest Blogger. Igadevil even promised me I'll get a whole week of control next year, barring "accidents" and "only if you talk about Sigma at some point." Can do, captain!

Right, so what's the deal, you say. What happened to the moody 'ol Yaguruma of old, right? Well, I'll tell you what happened: Go-Onger happened. That's right. Not only am I THE BEST RIDER EVER, I'm now also THE BEST RANGER EVER! That's right. Next year: Ultraman, here I come!

You see, things were looking pretty bad at the end of Kabuto. Kageyama died (he got better) and the writers basically forgot I existed in the last episode. That fop Daisuke got a shout-out, but me? Nothin'.

What I did get though, was a hot sister and a talking helicopter friend! How sweet is that? Not to mention a shiny new costume and kickass... uh, whatever I have powers. Yeah! Plus I'm part of the best team ever! Well okay, the others are all kinda dumb, but hot sister! Plus Yellow whatsherface, I am all over that!

Since then, it's just been a wave of success with no signs of slowing down. Well, I guess it will once the show ends, but I'll figure out something to do with my merchandise sales. Oh yes. I bet you heard that I got a FiguArts figure recently? As did Aibô, and I gotta say, we look great! But then, we would. Cuz we're us.

So there you go. Loser no more, baby. Now I'm a winner. No more envy from this cool cat. Well, at least not until the next time I find myself sitting around in the gutter wondering where the hell the Hopper Zecters came from.

LIGHTNESS!!!

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