Ask the Experts: Memories of a Year

Chances are, you're ready to move on already. 2006 is over. It's time for a new series, and the new series has cometh. Some may even be trying to decide what Kabuto toys they can part with to get the cash for that Den-O Henshin Belt and changing their screen names from "KabutoKickHopper" and "TheSaBeeSwordMaster" to "DenOforever2" and "Riders_on_a_train" or some such. And I don't blame you, because I too am ready to start gushing about Kamen Rider Den-O episode #1.

But first, it's time for another round of Q & A with the stars themselves. The people: The cast of Kamen Rider Kabuto, or at least all those willing to go along with this. The question: Choose one particular moment that defined the series for you. The answers: Not half as good as the last time I did this.


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Tendô Sôji
Professional Man Who Walks the Path of Heaven, Ruling Over All

So. It has finally come to an end. Another year, another battle. Just as I said it would. Remember? I said "The real battle only now begins". And just as soon as it began, it ended. Everything else? That was all the warm-up.

Grandmother said this: "There is no warmer place in this world, than in the depths of one's heart."

So many interesting people. So many enemies. So much danger. So much pain. And yet, through it all, I continued to stand unabashed and unfazed by all. Well okay, I guess that whole "Tendô-I-hate-you-and-want-to-go-live-on-Photoshopped-planet-with-your-stupid-evil-twin" thing Hiyori did kind of fazed me. But only slightly. For I am the man who walks the path of Heaven, and rules over all. And, if I may say so, and I may: I'm one helluva good cook.

Grandmother said this: "The most important ingredient in every dish is the chef's unconditional love."

Preach it, Grannie. You will not find truer words anywhere in this world. Well, okay, with one exception. And that being these:

Grandmother said this: "Remember that time Kagami became TheBee for like one episode, and I totally punked him in the end?"


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Kagami Arata
ZECT Employee, Self-described Lord of the Steak

TENDÔ! That was the worst answer I've ever read on this entire blog, you should put more faith in the intelligence of the reading audience.

Anyway folks, it's me, Kagami. Also known as Kamen Rider Gatack, the God of Battle and STRONGEST RIDER EVER. Yep! That's me all right. I fight for truth, justice, and the Amer- er, um...uh....truth and justice. Well, there is more to it, but I can't really think of a good word to describe it, so I'll just roll it into one and call it truthustice. There you go.

Hey! What'd you think of the show? Pretty cool, huh? Especially whenever I was in it. It never fails to surprise me how many people latched on to me from the get-go. I mean, there I was, the butt of every joke of the writers, yet I was a hero to the masses. I guess it just goes to show you how everyone always loves the underdog, right? Like that time I became TheBee- people loved it! I wish I could say the same, but let me tell you guys, it wasn't as cool as you think. TheBee is pretty demanding, and if you can't provide the goods, it'll just as soon move onto somebody else. I mean, I even bought it season tickets to the Giants, took it to high-class restaurants, and lit its cigars with 10,000 Yen notes. But in the end, it still dumped me. And that was after I got the stupid tatoo, which I'm now stuck with for life. Yeah, I know you never saw it again on the show, but it's there, trust me. You don't-

What?

Oh, I'm sorry. I've just been informed by the writers that I'm not supposed to talk about the tatoo thing.

Huh?

Don't talk about becoming TheBee either!?



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Kusakabe Hiyori
Upcoming Chef, Amateur Artist, Full-time Brooder

Get away from me, you creepy little man.







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Kamishiro Tsurugi
Heir to Discabile fortune, self-described Wormslayer

Greetings, commoners! I am the man who stands at the top of all blogging, Kamishiro Tsurugi! Well, yes, this isn't my blog per se, but come on- I doubt Eee-GAA-deville would mind if I took some credit. After all, without me, you might not be hear reading this! And without you, I might not be hear writing this! Am I right, or right am I? I am the man who stands at the top of being right, so of course I'm right. Right? Right.

Anyways, if I had to pick one moment in the series that defined particularness, it would no doubt be when my dear friend Ka-GAA-mi was able to fulfill his dream of becoming a Rider, and became Ga...ga...ga...oh, what was it again? Gataka? Gatact? Gackt? Gakatakacaka?

What? Oh, Gatack! As yes, Gatuck. Thank you, omniscient silent commentator. It would seem I am also the man who stands at the top of forgetting my friend Ka-GAA-mi's Rider name. Yes, Gattlac. Well, when he first turned into Gadillac, who wasn't thrilled that the story's fan favorite character (after myself, of course) finally got a chance to become a Rider-

What? He turned into TheBee once? For like, one or two episodes? And it also resulted in the long departure of one of the best characters in the show?

...I did not know that.



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Mishima Masato
Disgruntled ZECT Employee, Former Bodyguard/Jack-of-all-trades

God, I hated that bastard Kagami. Not the kid, I mean his old man. Well, I hate the kid too. But lemme tell you guys, if you though junior was annoying, with all his screeching about turning into TheBee that one time (get in line, buddy) it's his daddy that really grates on me. Why, right now, I bet he's going on somewhere about rats and some such @#$%.

What really ticked me off though, wasn't all that Native @#$-kissing he did. It was all that talking in riddles! Seriously, what the hell was up with that? I remember this one time, we were just standing around waiting to hear the latest report from the battle at Area Z, and just out of the blue he's like "What are your thoughts on the works of George Gordon Byron?"

Now, given that I A) have no clue who that even is and B) couldn't possibly give a @#$%, I'm like "I don't know, I've never read any of them." And do you know what his response is?

"The movies, my friend, the movies!" And the next thing I know he's on his side, running around in a circle on the floor going "Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!" And this goes on for TWENTY. FREAKING. MINUTES. Seriously. It's a miracle ZECT even got to be where it was with that nutcase in charge. I'm amazed that the Zectrooper uniforms weren't designed with big pink targets painted on them, because I honestly believe that this man would have gone along with it if someone recommended it to him. And how about recruiting that Renge girl as a double agent- yeah, real smooth, Special K. We may as well have tasked a pylon with killing Tendô; I'm pretty sure it would have done a better job.

To top it all off, I later Wiki'd that Byron guy and you know what? He never even made any movies! Seriously, @#$% you, Riku. And while I'm at it, @#$% you too, Wikipedia. Spidern-Man, indeed.



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Kagami Riku
Head of ZECT

The rats. Their cries of pain. Their shouts of joy. Their tiny little rodent hands holding tiny little rodent-sized baseball bats. This is the game of life, my friends. And what a dangerous game it is.

When the cats are away, the rats will play. But when the playing field becomes too crowded, they will jump off the iceberg, just to stop the killing. This is what happened to the Titanic; this is how former president William Howard Taft lost the election of 1976; this is how everything that began must end after it has begun, for it is just now ending. The beginning of the end, yes? SHOOOOOOOOOBA!

My son. He is good at baseball. Like the rats, he has a keen eye and a bag of grain with which he shares unto no one. Not even his brother, Whatsisface, could keep up with him. He was the finest hockey player I know, and not a soul would tell you otherwise. He could sink the ball into the basket like a true professional, and I? I have sealed his fate by selecting him to be Gatack's chosen one. I tried, oh how I tried to change fate. I even bribed TheBee Zecter with candy, but it was all for not. For like the rats, the cats, the bats, the mats and even the hats (but not the spats nor the vats) he did all he could with everything that he had, and in the end, it amounted to nothing at all. Oh, my son. My poor, deluded son. Forgive me, and forever after I shall call you "Fooj." It's short for "Fuji". Clever, is it not?

BETHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEN!



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Hibiki
Ongeki Warrior

Oi Shônen! I know, I know, I wasn't in Kamen Rider Kabuto at all. I was in the show from the year before, Kamen Rider Hibiki. But hear me out:

I'd just like to extend my congratulations to Kabuto and his friends for making it through and entire year. It isn't easy, believe me. There were several times when I was ready to throw it in, but thanks to my friends, I pulled through. Friends like Ibuki, and Todoroki, and Zanki. Danki. Eiki. Maybe even Sabaki. But not just my fellow Oni. Other friends too. Shônen. Other Shônen. Girl who was always with Ibuki. Oyassan. Oyassan's daughters, I can't recall their names offhand, but it's okay, we use codenames in Takeshi. So I just call them Girl #1 and You, respectively.

Hey, if you want, I'll come up with cool codenames for you too, Kabuto. I like the sound of "Kabutoki" myself, but let me know what you think. Just give me a call whenever you need me, I'll be around. Things have been pretty slow since the CG division started spending all their time on that big train for Den-O, I've just been fighting the same giant crab over and over for the past few months. It's a tough shell to crack. Ha! Did you get it? Tough shell? Yeah, I knew you'd get it.

Well okay, I better run now. Sabaki apparently got stuck in a tree and he locked his keys in the car. Sing me off, Kogure-san!

Kimi no HIBIKIIIIIIIIIIIIII!



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Nogi Reiji
Worm Ringleader

FOOLISH ZECT MEMBERS!

...I still cry myself to sleep thinking about what happened in episode #46.






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Tadokoro Shuichi
ZECT Employee, Grumpy Old Guy-in-training

Oh God, they're approaching from all sides! Kagami! Tendô! Anybody, help! The Worms are overtaking Area Z! It's a battlefield! We're outnumbered, outgunned, and I hate to say it, but outsmarted as well. The Worms are coming in legion! Our morale is dropping faster than our numbers, and I've already heard half a dozen "Why is there always a Rider around to beat us up, but never to be around when we actually need one?" comments from the troops. Oh, the humanity! This is madness I tell you, madness!

What? TheBee Zecter? What good could that possibly do? I offered it to Yaguruma and Kageyama, and they shot me down!

...Kagami? But isn't he Gatack?

...What? Look, I don't care if you think it's funny to keep bringing it up, we've got a war going on here! This is no time to be making jokes about-

...gee, you know, that's a good point. What did happen to the tatoo?



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Hyper Kabuto inexplicably appearing from the future
Time-traveller

LAWLZ B1G S 0WRD!







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Yamato Testsuki
ZECT Employee

Yeah, I know. I wasn't in the show. Well, aside from a cameo as a totally different dude, but are you really going to count that? Yeah, I thought so.
Anyway, one particular moment, huh? I don't know, can we count the time Kagami became TheBee?

...Why? I was rooting for him. He seemed like a cool dude. He followed orders to the T, and-

WHAT? He betrayed ZECT, sided with Kabuto and beat Caucasus? Then allowed Kabuto go go back in time and alter history so none of what happened in the movie really happened and oh @#$% I'm ceasing to existing in the time strea-



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Yaguruma Sô
Tormented Soul, Part-time Circle K Employee

I envy you. Sitting there, safe and sound behind the warm glow of your computer screen, simultaneously browsing Youtube for "Climax Jump" music videos and sipping on your can of soda.

But you know something? There's a person I envy even more than you. It's me. At least, the me who used to be me. The one who isn't me anymore, because now I'm me and not him. Him being the me who used to be me. Follow me?

See, this guy, we'll call him "Yaguruma Sô: Free Trial Edition" for short, he was a character. He was me, in case you weren't clear on that. And I'm him, or rather, I *was* him, until I saw Hell first-hand. You're probably curious as to what that was like. I'd tell you, but it's a long story, and I'm still trying to come to terms with it. Especially the part where I wound up on some beach, wearing pants that I'm pretty sure were not mine. But in any case, this guy- remember, he used to be me- people loved him. He showed up for just a couple episo- er, times, and he was designated the holder of TheBee Zecter. Ahh, TheBee Zecter. I remember it well. Of course, it's not as cool as the Hopper Zecter, and it's got an attention span equivalent to a little kid hooked up to an IV consisting of speed mixed with pure sugar cane, but back then, it was pretty sweet. I- I mean, he- even had his own elite squad of Zectroopers to command. It was a good time to be young and alive. No, I'm not sure what I mean by that either, but in any event, it eventually all came crashing down for the pettiest of reasons. But the people still loved him, and eagerly awaited his return after he vanished for parts unseen. And despite a brief, brief return in the movie- um, I mean, in an alternate universe I dreamed about one time- he never came back. Him being me, in case you've forgotten. Anyway, he eventually did come back, but as a changed man. That man being me. But you know something?

People loved him even more, because he came back as a butt-kicking badass. Yea-hah!

Right, sorry. I keep forgetting. I'm a loser now. Losers like me, we stay in the darkness. Because the light, the light we once trusted and embraced, it rejected us. And now, darkness is all we have left.

Well, darkness and ramen. Ramen will always be there for you.

Mmmm. I could sure go for a bowl right now. How about you, Aibô?



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Kageyama Shun
Yaguruma's #1 Buddy

Hells yeah, Aniki!

DARKNESS!!1!







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Kazama Daisuke
Professional Make-Up Artist

Hey, I'm not dead! I survived! Awesome!

Sucks to be you, GSL version of me!





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