Love is a Battlefield

Warning: Some minor series/movie spoilers ahead.

Let's face it: when it comes to romance, the Riders almost always get shafted. Sure, in the original series, Hongô/Rider 1 and Ruriko had a little something going on, and it probably would have been developed further had Fujioka, you know, not gotten in that accident and everything (and even that's assuming, of course, the show didn't get cancelled first.) Ichimonji/Rider 2 is a major ladies' man, but aside from flirting with...well, pretty much every last one of the Rider Girls, he never got any sort of a serious relationship. The FIRSTy versions had their whole wacky little love triangle that ended with...well, I'm still trying to figure out why Katsuhiko and Ichimonji look alike, because the explanation they gave didn't exactly make much sense, but let's move on...

After that, pickings are even more slim:

Riderman: Nada. But just watch, he's going to wind up with the Interpol lady in Kamen Rider Spirits sooner or later.

X-Rider: I'll get back to him in a few minutes.

Amazon: I think Masahiko's sister probably had her eyes on him, but he was too busy tearing somebody in half to notice.

Stronger: Obviously, something was hinted at between him and Tackle, but not until like her last episode, when she kinda went bye-bye. Bummer.

Skyrider: Zilch, but like Rider 2, he was a major playa.

Super-1: Harumi was all over him, but once again, too busy following the Sincere Shaolin Fist path or something.

ZX: There's implications Rumi is crushing on him in Spirits, but c'mon, she's waaay underage.

BLACK/BLACK RX: Our boy Kôtarô pretty much got a bum deal the first time around, but he does hook up with Reiko in BLACK RX, so that counts for something.

Shin: On the one hand, Shin had Ai, and there was much lovin' between them. On the other hand, she wound up pretty dead by the end of the movie. Spoiler Alert!

ZO: Not much luck either. Check out the manga though, he winds up with Reiko. Which means that by due process, he winds up with Annie from Shaider!

J: Zippo.

Kuuga: I always thought he had a thing going on with Sakurako, but it's all for not. And don't get me started on the creepy Godai/Ichijô dôjinshi out there.

Agito & friends: Had a cute little relationship with Mana, but c'mon, she's more like sister than anything else. Another Agito & G3-X got nothing, and Gills fared even worse, getting dumped and having another potential love life cut down before his very eyes. G4...guys, he's a movie-only Rider! They never get this sorta thing. Well, except for Femme.

Ryuki & co.: He had a little fling with Femme in the movie, although it's not much. I mean, this is Ryuki we're talking about, people. We all know about Knight's girlfriend issues, Zolda's pining for (yet another girl named) Reiko, and everyone else was all so painfully single.





Hey! I resent that remark!





Oh, sorry Tezuka. But c'mon, you weren't exactly swimming in girls, dude. Okay, Alternative Zero was married and Imperer might have had a relationship had things played out differently, but that's it.

Faiz & such: Considering how half the time, Faiz plays out like a complex teen drama (albeit with the dead walking the earth, bikes that turn into robots and cool weaponry disguised as high-end electronics) it's amazing that the title character himself never got much of a love life. Oh sure, some say he and Mari had something going on, but they weren't exactly making kissy faces at each other all the time (aside from the movie.)

Especially not with the Kaixa (of the Kusaka variety) around, and his creepy borderline stalker antics. Meanwhile, Delta (Mihara, that is) probably like whatsherface who he almost killed that one time, but come on, does anyone even remember what he did for most of the episodes he was in, other than get his butt kicked?

Blade & crew: Tragedy all around. Blade got nothin', Garren got a short-lived fling that ended pretty badly, Chalice got Amane's puppy-crushing, and...well, I guess things turned out okay for Leangle, although where was Nozomi during Missing Ace?

Hibiki & them Oni guys: HAHAHA! For once, Hibiki and crew rise above the competition. Kasumi obviously had it in for Ibuki, and Todoroki struck it big time with Hinaka in two completely seperate eras. OWNAGE!
...er, right. And I always thought Hibiki would end up with Midori for some reason. He probably will, in some fanfic or something.

Kabuto & the gang: Still too early to tell, but with any luck, Tsurugi/Sasword will end up with Misaki by the end. Or at least she'll fall in love with KA-GAA-MI for real. Hey, it could happen.

You may notice that I left someone off this list. Well, I left a lot of people, but I mean someone actually important. That being the big V to the 3. As anyone who's watched the show knows, he had something of a ...complex relationship with the show's main female protagonist, Tama Junko. I could write an entry in and of itself about that, which I will someday (Special Valentine's Day Edition!) so I'll let that one alone right now.

Back to X-Rider, who I also skipped over. Y'see, despite the fact that his short-lived romance (with the mysterious twins Kiriko & Ryôko, the latter having been his object of affections before she kinda turned out to be evil and tried to kill him) ends tragically, the story does have a happy ending in real life. Hayami Ryô, the actor who plays Jin Keisuke/Kamen Rider X, eventually married Miyama Naoko, the actress who portrayed Kiriko/Ryôko! On top of that, their son, who also went into the acting business, was one of the many to try out for the lead role in Kamen Rider Agito!

Did you get through all of that? Good job, here's a pic of X-Rider getting attacked by excited fans in the '70's (notice Stronger & Amazon in the background, suffering similar fates.)