Kingdom Artificial Hearts

In honor of the 35th Anniversary of Kamen Rider V3, my overview of the entire 52-episode series continues with episode #7.

Spoiler Warning for Kamen Rider THE NEXT, of all things, as well.

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Kamen Rider V3 episode #7 "Rider V3's Furious Special Training"

I have a theory. In 1973, a young Inoue Toshiki, full of admiration for his father's contributions to popular childrens' entertainment of the time, sat down and watched this episode completely stoned out of his ever-living mind. He remembered the experience years later when penning the script for Kamen Rider THE NEXT.

Unfortunately, the years (and the theoretical drugs) had taken their toll, and he missed out on the key factor when creating the updated tale of Kamen Rider V3 and his narratively-challenged sister: that sometimes, you can play right into audiences' expectations and still surprise the @#$% out of them.

You see, this episode features not only the monster which inspired the recent film's Chainsaw-Lizard (more on her below) but it also features a plotline involving someone who should have died getting to live again via the meddling of science, and seeking vengeance on those responsible for their current state of being. And on top of that, all hope for a return to a normal life for them is lost due to the fact that they are now physically revolting, a monster made out of a man (or a popstar.)

Except in this, it plays out the way you expect (and probably want to) see it happen: Destron is behind everything, the vengeance-seeking walking corpse was "saved" by them and altered into Knife-Armadillo, and it all manages to tie back into the main plot of Professor Kawai's ill-fated attempts to prolong the mortal lives of humanity. And this is why this episode works. It does what we expect, but the surpise twists are in how it's done and what happens to get us from point A to point B. Also, there's no bloody awful pop song.

So basically Kawai & his buddies decide it would be a real sweet idea to grow an artificial heart, stick it in a recently-deceased guy, and call it good. In the interest of SCIENCE! after all, right? Unfortunately, Destron intervenes thanks to a traitor in the ranks. Shoulda kept your eye on that shifty-looking woman, Prof.! Anyway, an accident involving Kawai's son coming in at the absolute worst moment leads to a fire, which then leads to an explosion, because hey, it's the 70's— everything blows up!

In the ensuing fracas, Kawai gets away, but leaves the recently-reanimated former-dead guy to his fate. This turns out to be a really bad move when, as I mentioned, he turns up months later, having been altered into Destron's Kaijin Knife-Armadillo, who wants revenge on the Professor as well as wanting to secure his knowledge of artificial heart technology. Which Destron covets, of course (you'd think their own scientists would have figured it out by then. Slackers!)

In human form, Knife-Armadillo has a horrible burn/decay mark on his face, yet this doesn't seem to be noticed by the kids he tricks into telling him about Kawai's son (under the elaborate disguise of... a hotdog vendor!) Kazami notices right off that bat though, keeping in tradition with the Riders' ability to see what others overlook, like yellow scarves and such.

In true monster form, the knife-wielding-one is the toughest customer yet. You thought Hammer-Kurage was tough? This guy is worse! V3 can barely scratch him, and his rolled-up flying ball forms hits our hero like a ton of bricks. He's also got that nifty spring-out knife hand, for making the stabby (as he does to an innocent jogging boxer, who's actually one of the stunt guys in a random extra part/cameo!)

As for the other monster... ah yes. Nokogiri-Tokage. She doesn't appear in this one much outside of her human form (the appealing-yet-elusive Monica Ai), but she's important soon enough. As I mentioned, she was the basis for THE NEXT's Chainsaw-Lizard. There's some subtle similarities, particularly the right-hand weapon (the classic one sports a circular saw, which also features the checkerboard pattern the movie one has), the shoulder-pad armor/high-collar, and the skull-like mug.

I'll confess that I slightly prefer the updated movie look, because it looks more feminine, whereas the original is pretty masculine as was oft to happen back then (although not always; the original's Hachi-Onna and Stronger's Hebi-Onna being notable exceptions.) I'm also a sucker for those platform boots the new one has, what can I say. That said, the original is definitely a more rounded character, largely because this script is actually interested in her. Like I said, she's mostly in the background here, but fulfills a role not unlike the movie version being the "handler" of Knife-Armadillo.

And this show continues to mix the formula around by making the endangered scientist dude stop being a scientist early on. The main plot starts up after the failed experiment of 2 months back, with Kawai reduced to shining shoes and living seperately from his son. Of course Destron still seeks to target either/or to get what they want. And as usual, the good guys aren't far behind.

This is a big episode for V3, but I'll get to that in a moment. As far as Kazami goes, he gets to spout off some nice messages for the kiddies about believing in yourself and fighting your own fights and all that. He gets the crap kicked out of him halfway in and stumbles back to base and collapse in front of everybody. Upon waking, he makes a request to Tachibana, one so important and secret that he has to whisper it, considering Junko is right there and clearly knows what's up (her "I thought you were dead" line is delightfully vague.) And what does he want?

For Tachibana to comandeer a crane & hit him with the wrecking ball as hard as he can! Yes, it's a classic bit of "training to overcome the enemy with Tachibana", who despite his appearance, is a ruthlessly harsh coach. When X-Rider needed to learn a new move to beat Mach Achilles, our old man helped him out— by firing a gattling gun at him!

V3's training session is no less intense, as our hero is bashed again and again by the huge ball, until he discovers the necessary skill (which is one of the 26 Secrets, natch) by accident: he stumbles and finds that his upper chest armor and shoulder areas contain the Special Spring Muscles, allowing the ball to bounce harmlessly off of him. Too bad Destron shows up to spoil the fun and lead into the cliffhanger!

Also, Shigeru appears in his Shônen Rider outfit here, for the first time I believe (if he did last episode, I wasn't paying enough attention!) Also, Junko gets punked towards the end when Destron's thugs say "We don't need you!" as they make off with Kawai's son and his surrogate-mother-figure, leaving our heroine in the dust. Oh, if only they knew how important she was...

I must point out one probablly unintentionally hilarious moment in this episode: you know that Kazami's wearing his motorcycle helmet too much when, in a scene where he's speaking on the phone, he holds it up to his head, slightly away from his helmet, yet can still hear just fine. I guess it must be the trusty old enhanced cyborg hearing at work?

The episode ends with V3 held down by Destron Combatants and about to get squashed by the wrecking ball (steered by Knife-Armadillo.) Will he make it out? Do I love this show to pieces? What do you think?

"Toh!"

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Rider Screencaps!










Next Time: Chainsa... I mean, Nokogiri-Tokage is on the attack, V3 has a rematch with Knife-Armadillo, and there's some good old-fashioned acid pit-escaping action!

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