Welcome to the Kurenai Wataru Program

Okay, I meant to do this last weekend, but you know how it works. So here we are.

Spoilers, including movie spoilers. The actual movie!



Net Edition: Kamen Rider Backwards Kiva: Queen of the Castle in the Demon World

(Note: I'm almost entirely positive that "Kamen Rider Bass Ackwards Kiva" would be acceptable in this situation.)

Toei tried a rather interesting experiment with the summer Go-Onger & Kiva movies this year: spin-off net-only pay-per-view (for 7 days) "webisodes" (the first one was free, the rest weren't.) Now as I understand it, you had to be in Japan to see them, or at least the pay ones, which means that yes, I should have been able to see them, right? Of course, there's the issue of paying; not a problem in itself, but there was a lot of screwy business involving Yahoo points and such.

So I finally decided that "well, you only get to keep them for a limited time, and they're going to come out on DVD anyway since I know through my secret sources." Hence, I held off this year (although vowed that if they do it again for Kamen Rider Decade, I will bite the bullet.)

I have to say I'm glad I did; partly because while the quality of the net movies online was okay, I have this weird thing about liking to see stuff at maximum quality from a hard copy; I'll happily buy a CD or DVD even if it's being downloaded left and right. I can't really explain it, it's just me (for example, I understand that a DVD "Sample" version of the Kiva movie is out there now, but I haven't bothered looking for it. I'm happy to wait until my special edition DVD arrives in the mail. Madness, no?)

The other reason I'm glad I waited is that having seen the free first one when it came out... I was a bit confused. What the heck was going on? This was pre-seeing the movie mind you, so that probably had something to do with it (I also avoided all the movie hype beforehand, so I had no clue why Otoya was there with Wataru and who the guy in white was.) It was just this weird lil' thing, like a Super Hero Time segment stretched out for 5 minutes. But after having watched all 5 parts together, I can now safely say I "get it". Mostly.

For you see, these mini net movies are basically what would happen if you set up a camera during rehearsal, let it run, and then edited the footage and made a story out of it. I'm pretty sure that's what they did here, because it is absolute insanity.

This may sound like a critique; it's not. On the contrary, I had a blast with these things. But they are without a doubt some of most irreverent Kamen Rider in a while, up there with the infamous "episode #50" o Kuuga.

I say these look like they were done during rehearsals because the whole thing looks like one giant attempt by the cast to get the rest of the cast to corpse. The jokes come fast and furious and it seems like everything they could think of gets thrown in. And like the best dreams, none of it makes much sense as it jumps from one idea to the next like a sugar-infused child.

Okay, there's sort of a plot and they sort of connect to the movie, but it's so loose that you probably won't be shocked at all by the final twist (I saw it coming a mile off.) Still, these are, as the kids say these days, "some seriously good crack".

Episode 1: "Kurenai Wataru's Backwards Face?!"

Wataru and Kengo (this is pre-character reinvention/ruination Kengo) decide to put on a Manzai (comedic duo) act because, well, why the hell not? Kengo speaks Kansai-ben, that's all you need really. Otoya & Yuri are hanging around in 2008, just cuz. Try to work this into the movie continuity; you'll turn your brain inside out. Shiramine (Kamen Rider Rey) is there too, but I'll get back to him later. Much wackiness ensues and we're privy to what I'm pretty sure is Seto Kôji's impersonation of a foreigner speaking Japanese. Which is amusing and slightly disturbing. Wataru goes all magician and makes Machine Kivaa appear. You know, in case you wondered where it went. He teleports to Castle Dran at the end and is challenged by the Arms Monsters...

Oh, and Kengo has on the silliest jacket, unbeaten until Nago wore something similar on an episode of the TV show. Even Otoya could give him fashion advice. The best part is it's never really clear why. He could be doing it as part of the Manzai act, but seriously you guys? I think Kengo's just plain crazy in this thing.

Episode 2: "Backwards Battle at Castle Dran?!"

...and that battle at Castle Dran is, in fact, a card game. Basshaa schools everyone, Riki works on his "Poker Face" (his solution is to change to monster form, and since his costume has no animated face, well...) and ultimately Garulu loses and is condemned to Hell, i.e. taking the place of the dog in the cafe. You can't make this stuff up. If you've ever thought Matsuda underplays, and want to see him dial it up so high it goes past 11 to to 12-@#$%ing-1, well, here you go. I like that little disco dance he does upon losing; if Todoroki could see him now...

Episode 3: "Nago Keisuke's Backwards Face?!"

You know, I like Taiga/Saga just fine, but I stand by my sentiment that Yamamoto's Shiramine/Rey is still his top Kiva character. Because while Taiga's a scheming nasty, Shiramine is an unbelievable bastard. He's the killjoy in most of these, but in #3 he lays it on HARSH. We never totally get the full details of his past with Nago in the movie, but we get a lot more here (albeit comically) and suddenly it's little wonder why Nago was so messed up for the first half of the series (I know, I know, TV=/=movie continuity... meh, continuity can look after itself.)

That's pretty much the extent of this one: Shiramine kicks Nago around in the café, much to the amusement of Megumi. Oh, and the ending is one of the strangest things ever, but it's awesome. Bunny!

Episode 4: "Café Otoya d'amour"

Otoya (still hanging around in 2008 with Yuri) turns the café into a Maid Café, which is guaranteed laughs. He then turns it into just about every other kind of café imaginable. Shiramine is a bastard throughout. You have to see this one to get the full effect. Needless to say that the girls look good as maids, but you didn't need me to tell you that. Although I wish they weren't in the plasticky-looking orange things, and rather something more elegant and... okay I'll stop now.

Also, Rey fans take note: the great white one puts in a short appearance. In your face, Arc!

Episode 5: "The Queen Descends!"

Okay, all during the past 4 parts, Kivat (sometimes CG, sometimes a toy) has been showing up at the beginning to complain about the rise of the titular Queen, and show scenes from the movie (the actual movie.)

In this episode, we find out that the Queen is, in fact, Shizuka. Huh. She beats up Nago, Jirô (watch for the scenes where Matsuda is very clearly a dummy, I love this) and Otoya, before confronting Wataru as Kiva. And then...

...it all turns out to be a dream. No, I don't know if it was the entire thing, or just this episode. Maybe it was all of them. Maybe it was everything, including the movie. Maybe it was the whole series and Wataru wakes up, will walk outside and get attacked by Kamen Rider Decade. Who knows?

So in summary, these things are absolutely nuts, but they're pretty funny and worth the equivalent of a regular episode it will probably take you to watch them. The DVD also features the Go-Onger webisodes, which I have yet to watch. But I'd say it's worth it for the Kiva ones alone.

***